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Friday, May 16, 2008

The Movie Review - Tashan - The Bhayankar formula for disaster...


Genre : Couldnt decipher...
Rating: 2.5 /10 - yes - nothing can beat AAG.... + some good music

Tashan - the style , the good luck , the bhayankar formula.... booms Anil Kapoor urf Bhaiji ... You wonder, what style? whos good luck? apna toh bad luck hai! and bhayankar formula for what? Disaster.... Thats the only explanation I could phathom. The coaching manuals of "The DONT'S of making a film - could be written from this film alone"..The movie starts in a very Tarentino'ish style and then goes on to dizzying heights of stupidity... The only thing I liked in bits was the screenplay... After watching this movie, I didnt know how to express my feelings, so instead I interviewed the man behind the story, the screenplay, the dialogues and the direction - Mr. Vijay Krishna Acharya i.e. VKA. ( This grossly multi-un-talented person is the KARTA-DHARTA of this film - any public bashings, any dressing downs, any brickbats or any abuses should be hurled and directed solely to this man and no one else)

Me: Why did you make this film? Why oh why? And are you satisfied with it?
VKA: The movie was the culmination of years of research , hard work and perseverense and I love it as much as a father loves his child...
( For the next 5 minutes, I didnt know what to say! Urgh what an ugly baby! Years of hardwork? This guy certainly needs help. He, in the meanwhile, was thinking of his next project, which hopefully would also require years and years of research. atleast 50. Please god please...)

Me: Why do you think people are comparing this movie to the disgrace of the century - AAG?
VKA: I dont mind actually ( yeah right - mind is something , u lack buddy) In a way they are comparing me to a director who has made amazing films like SATYA, SARKAR, RANGEELA.. I am honoured... ( he surely is a beautiful mind , what optimism- ignorance and dumbness surely are bliss!!!)


Me: So how did you come up with the mind numbing storyline, the inane Dialogues, the preposterous action sequences?
VKA: Oh, thanks for the compliments ( Mind Numbing, Inane and Preposterous, were too complex for his brain to decode) But, I do have to thank a lot of people for helping me out in my dream project. I actually saw it in my dream ! ( Nightmare would be more appropriate!!) Then through my research I met some people from UP and came up with the dialogues which have the bhojpuri flavour and the credit for the action sequences lies with Peter Hein ( Jis jiske haath main khujli ho rahi ho - here's another guy you could target )

Me: How did you manage to get this amazing starcast, for this ludicrous movie?
VKA: Ludi-what?? Oh thanks again, I know you mean amazing. (Phew!!) See, Kareena was doing a diet. I told her that we were low on budget, so anyways we wont supply food to our stars, that way you would be forced to starve and have that amazing body. She jumped to the opportunity. Ofcourse Saif came like a buy one get one free offer. Then I told Akshay about hiring Peter Hein and that this was his opportunity to go back to his roots - action + Kareena wasnt charging much (just wanted diet food) and Saif was just happy having same dressing room as Kareena, so I could give Akshay their share of the money aswell... Anil kapoor was the most difficult to hire.. But I told him that his name would come before Akshay Kumar , unlike Welcome... He grabbed on this opportunity with both hands, his legs and his mouth... (Suddenly, I could see some talent... A person who can pull out this coup for such a script has to be given some credit.. )
Me: What were your intentions while making this film? Does it have any message?
VKA: Intentions? ( I told him its the motive - the reason for making the film) Oh Ok... Well, see the idea was simple, but deep. I wanted to show people the condition in the states of Bihar and UP, The lack of education - hence the terrible Hinglish, the presence of gangsters , mafia here.. Most of the people are really suffering because of this. ( You surely were succefuly in making us feel their suffering dude.. We went through a lifetime of misery in your film..)


And in that answer, I thought to myself. How wrong had I been in judging this person. He had achieved exactly what he set out to achieve... I take back my words... This guy should be given an OSCAR..... A must watch for the nobility of its intentions... Torturous but effective!!!

4 comments:

Pav1 said...

I think u cud hav given a 3/10 for the hatke and good music of the film..

Virinder Urf Funda-Mentor said...

abbey... isliye 2 diye :) plus I fast forwarded the songs

Virinder Urf Funda-Mentor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rigved said...

This movie is the prostitution of film industry. Abe 2 bahut jyada diye. By the way our own Rajnikanth and Mithun would have been proud to see Akshay Kumar dodging bullets coming out of AK rifles from 50 odd black cat commandos standing 100 feet away.

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