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Friday, June 15, 2007

KANK - the disaster

Rating : 2 and half / 10 - for the songs.(MITWA)

What 'K'indd'A' 'N'onsensical 'K'rap???

Ok, the title may have set the mood. So I would like to change it. Lets start with something positive about this 3:30 hour torture. OK, lets start. It's coming. Wait 2 minutes. There has to be something. No wait, yes. Oops no. Nothing. Maybe later when I do get it from the recesses of my benevolence. I would like to ask Karan Johar why did he make this film? How long does his script run normally? These are very relevant questions when you see that every emotion, every scene, every dialogue seems to be picked up from 2 of his earlier movies and directly placed into the movie. I think his script would have been 2 sentences long maximum and then he must have just watched his earlier films. He has actually put in more effort in deciding color combinations for costumes. In almost every scene you see a person wearing Black and red and costumes matching each other, the walls of the rooms, the table, the building,the trees etc etc. Onto the movie.

From the initial 15 minutes you gather that this film is all about lecture and to elicit Karan's deep insight into relationships. You almost puke when Shahrukh (overacting in every scene – damn frustrated) sits with Rani on a bench and starts giving lecture 5 minutes before Rani's wedding. You cannot fathom the reason for Rani marrying Abhishek in the first place. If she has so many doubts why does she agree? The reason for this is the same old sob story of poor girl being raised up by Abhishek's father; I think you would have put 2 and 2 together. Maybe she is desperate. Yeah definitely. But then she refuses to respond to any of Abhishek's advances in the whole film. Dunno whats her problem dude. So back to the bench, Shahrukh himself married and a successful football player reads Rani's inner feelings instantaneously and gives her the usual Mumbo-Jumbo about Love. SRK should be given a noble price for spreading LOVE and constipated expressions.!!!

Priety is SRK's successful wife, leading a Women's Magazine. Now, from the start you can't understand why the hell did SRK marry Priety and have a kid when he doesn't care about them at all. His injury is justification enough for him to go out philandering and having an illicit relationship with Rani, who in turn god knows why, is intent on betraying Abhishek who is an ideal husband. So SRK and Rani start flirting around and also keep their respective spouses interested!!! To cut a long story short, they reveal their affair to their spouses after a night of Love on their respective marriage anniversaries and after being caught by Amitabh, Abhishek's father, which leads to his death :( sob sob. Yeah, you have no clue why when they make love, conveniently Priety and Abhishek are celebrating their respective anniversaries in a pub with their friends!!! Please let me know if you find out. Now, they are kicked out and they sacrifice their love and tell each other that their spouses have accepted them!! How dumb.

Again in the last scene you think why would Priety, who uptill the last scene hates the guts of SRK, suddenly thinks that Rani should go get her love!! It's beyond common sense, comprehension and me too. Yeah, you also get to see SRK again hobbling towards a train while Rani runs to catch up with him. Yeah, how original naa? And unbelievably they find each other and live happily ever after. Half of the movie is shot in and around the train station. You start thinking whether SRK is a T.C. when the film nears the interval.

Its one thing to make a film of 3:30 hours, but its totally different when it turns out to be utter crap. The audience actually laughs at all the plastic emotions and over the top acting. Towards the end people are so bored they clap when SRK is slapped. I have finally remembered some good stuff :)

The songs are good, topped by the amazing Mitwa (but you hope you were actually hearing it on a radio or your I-pods.) Another lovely part is the amazing babes Amitabh roams around with. Yeah that's about it. I for one am ruing the fact that I have wasted 90 RS of my mothers hard earned money in the revenue of this Nonsensical, farcical fare. I would like to sue KARAN for mental torture. I think I am not the same person I was before this movie.

I suggest get a soft copy, Burn it on a VCD, take it to Karan Johars house and actually burn the VCD in front of him. That would be some great fun with the Movie!

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