Movie Review : VEER - Do you have the B@lls!!!!

Genre : An Epic Blunder

When Salman said he was making HIS STORY into a film, we didnt expect him to rewrite HISTORY ! But he does just that with the ASTOUNDING film "VEER".

Sample this, Neena Gupta dances the "choli ke peeche kya hai" step with Mithun da, as her sons watch their parents perform vulgur movements and merrily have some beer! There are some unbelievable blunders in this film - Salman growing hair instantly as he wears his armour and then his hair dissapearing in the next scene as he wears a business suit, Salman running faster than horses and almost as fast as a train, Salman bashing up some 30 British guards in Britain, massacaring some Indian royalty and in the very next moment appearing in India and again drinking over his exploits. Who needs logic when you have jingoism, heroism.Logic can go into the toilet bowl !

Now, make no mistake, I enjoyed every moment of this film. Its etched in my mind. Engraved by the sword of this Historically brave warrior cum freedom fighter. I chose to watch this film in a single screen theater and took a STALL ticket. Amidst the cat calls, jeers and whistles I felt at home, witnessing the power of a mass hero flaunting his stardom.

Salman says that this is Bollywood Cinema's most expensive film. He forgets the bigger you are , the harder you fall. He also forgets to write some sense in the single page story. The totally dimwitted Period Drama is about a group of barbarians named Pindaris, who are betrayed by a king (Jackie Shroff), who along with the british kill thousands of their tribe. So Mithun Da swears to rip their hearts out. Mind you, Pindari warriors would rather die than go back on their word (You secretly hope he does!!)! He sends his sons to London, to learn the british ways, where Salman woos a chubby girl. Alas the chubby cheeked damsel is the daughter of his sworn enemy, Jackie. So what? He roars, sings, dances, fights, drinks his way to victory. Along the way he turns from a warrior to a freedom fighter and brings out a revolution in India !!! Isko kehte hain HERO!

ANIL SHARMA - take a bow ! Now this is direction. If you thought he could not top the peaks of "Hero - the love story of a spy", think again. And he's got guts. Very few can have the courage to convert a single page dimwit story into a full length 2 hour 45 minutes torture session? And he was so thoroughly prepared. Even NASA would be put to shame if you look at the depth of research the direction team has put into this film. DVDs of movies like Lagaan, Troy, Gladiator, Braveheart, The Last Samurai etc etc had to be seen 100s of times. Who needs history books? You know Pindari warriors were actually from Scotland.!!!They do the scottish jiggy wiggy and do drunken brawls just like those Scots I say.The art direction team should be given some kind of an award. Seriously! Did you know Pindari warriors had rubber armours? Mithun Da's armour actually shows ripples as he rides his horse. They were sooooooo brave!  No doubt a movie had to be made on them!

Music is quiet decent, but Rahat Fateh's "dabbi dabbi saason" is repeated some 15 times in the film and by the end of the film you develop severe nausea everytime its tune plays in the background.

Also, you have to give it to these actors. They act with so much conviction and deliver those inane dialogues with such sincerity that you want to believe they are warriors in the truest sense. Brave in the face of extreme stupidity.

This film should be sent as an entry to 2 shows - 1) Ripley's Believe it or not 2) Guiness book of world records. No film in the history of films would have such brave actors, such a brave director, such a brave cast and crew; and ofcourse such a brave audience! Seriously. VEER is such an apt title.

Watch it. I dare you to enjoy more than I did. I was doing cartwheels as Salman bounced in air and turned a Britishers head around or when he delievered those beefy dialogues like "Jahan se bhi pakdungaa, paanch ser ghosht nikaal dunga!! or when he tore out the intestine of a fellow warrior with his bare hands, or when he broke a stainless steel sword with a flick of his wrist ! Do you have the B@lls !!!!

Rating : 3 / 10 - For the BRAVERY all round !